Friday, January 30, 2009

Matthew 5:6

I woke up this morning thinking about a variety of things while looking at a very cluttered apartment. There are piles with categorized items (what to throw away, what to give away, what to fit in suitcases) and the general mess of papers and miscellaneous crud lying around that I have yet to sort through. With the state of my external world in major transition, my life feels out of sorts at the moment. I actually wouldn't expect things to be any different. Moving back across the Ocean after almost 3 years is going to take some adjusting - emotionally, culturally, environmentally (and I'm sure in some other -"lly's" ways too.) I'm not exactly bothered by these things yet, just making the observation.

What has bothered me more are things going on inside, on a personal level. In the midst of a messy external world, I found myself reaching inside to find order in the private world of my thoughts, my intentions, my inner dialogue. Alas, there's been a lot on the brain, I won't lie. It's not all bad or good, it just is what it is.

Deep inside as thoughts have tossed between joy and sadness, fear and faith, excitement and a general state of "blah", I was reminded of Matthew 5:6. What I really need right now in that inner world that will order my private world is to hunger and thirst for Him -- for more of the one who actually defines living, who anchors me, who refines, molds and shapes the essence of who I am. Without Him I can do nothing and even more real to me these days is the fact that without Him, His perspective, His way of viewing people and life in general, I AM nothing.

Jesus said He is the way, the truth and the life. If I want to find out what it means to fully come alive, to be fully living, then He is and always will be my starting point. He is all things perfectly wonderful and genuine. He alone makes all things in life perfectly wonderful and genuine. And in this journey across the Ocean, I'm finding my one and only anchor is to remain hungry and thirsty for all things HIM. He makes sense out of things that I can't even begin to understand. He alone fills the deepest parts of me in truth. He alone fills me up.


akshaye said...

Jen.. its great that you have so much perspective. Don't let the chaos get to you!

Anonymous said...

I can understand the chaos. Keep your focus. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good luck with your BIG move. I hope all goes smoothly.

Jen in Budapest said...

thanks guys :)