Back in the Pest

A few days after arriving back in the Pest, I found myself looking at the faces of those sitting around me in the California coffee shop and baffled once again as I listen intently and try to understand Hungarian conversations going on around me. Still so little is understood even after a year of complete immersion in a Hungarian high school and nights of lessons all of last year.

And I found myself asking a tough question, one that Matt Kearney poses in his song "Crashing Down".

"if I'm in the open, if I'm in the way, what am i doing here?
if you're not with me, what have I got to live for if its just my own dreams?
take me back to the beginning, back to the start
when gravity's pulling, you're still holding my heart
you come crashing down...."

It would be one thing if I were running from something back home. My uncle seems to think this is my condition. "What are you running from, Jen? What did we do to you that you would go across the globe and leave us?"

When the things left behind include an amazing family with incredible natural parents, brothers and sisters, amazing friendships I've had since I was 16 years old, and opportunities for some open doors, I've been tempted to ask....."What AM I doing here?........ if you're not with me.

Then came the resolve. I am here to be fruitful not to spin my wheels and accomplish little to nothing in the name of "missions.' I want to bear fruit! I want to bear fruit that lasts here!

And He came crashing down. Sitting there surrounded by Hungarians and sipping on a coffee, I felt His presence, His affirmation that indeed He sent me to accomplish just this in the Pest.

So after I talked with my sister and mom, I called a friend of mine in the states to tell her I arrived safely in Budapest. We talked for a few minutes and she said, "Jen! I can't believe you are calling. I was just praying for you and God gave me something for you."

"Really?"

"Yes.God is going to pour out His blessings on you. You are going to have a fruitful year, reaching all kinds of people, not just one type. And this is going to be a year of deep communion with the Lord"

Back in the Pest. Trusting for Fruitfulness. Longing for Deep Communion.

What am I doing here? an even better question.....

What have I got to live for if it's just my own dreams?

His dream. That's what I'm doing here.