Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to every beautiful mom who reads this blog!! You are beautiful and you're doing a great job! Both my sisters are moms and I know it can be more than a daunting task. Every day you make the decision to love and discipline those little ones, you are making a huge impact on the world. Thanks for raising the next generation of young people :D
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While living in Budapest the last 1.5 years, every time I talk with my mom she swears that she has no idea how to use skype; then she apologizes for not contacting me more often and finally she makes a promise that she's going to have my little brother teach her how to use skype so we can talk more frequently. But I don't blame her and I'm not mad. We find other ways to communicate. Techy stuff can be a pain in the boot-tay especially if you don't have a lot of time and you just want to contact your daughter.

This past year I purchased a Vegas area code skype number that rings in Budapest when I'm at my computer. When it's working (still don't understand our global world!) it's great because it's easy for my family. BUT skype to skype is the most incredible option when the connection is strong because it's absolutely free!!

This afternoon, my MOM of all people, contacted me through skype! I almost had a heart attack! I was actually going to call her to wish her a Happy Mother's Day but she beat me to it. She called to say she remembered when I was born, my cute dimples (awe...)and how much she loves me....Oh, wait. I thought I was supposed to be the one to call HER and encourage HER. Typical of her unconventional style, she beat me to it.

I have to say that raising 5 kids must not have been easy. My dad worked so hard to keep food on the table and my mom actually went into daycare to help supplement their income to feed and clothe us. We didn't exactly grow up in the lap of luxury, but I'm thankful for my parents. Both have taught me so much about life. I still want to write a blog about my dad, but I haven't finished it yet. Maybe I'll finish it for Father's Day in June.

Anyways, my mother has an incredible heart for people and animals. She's constantly got someone she's helping. I'm looking at a picture I have framed of my grandmother and mom who are both smiling. Today I realize, I come from a long line of incredibly giving, beautiful women. I couldn't be more grateful.

I know that almost every mother misses their children, especially when they leave the nest. I guess I've been the bird that always flies away. I went to college in the mid-west. All my brothers and sisters went to school or are going to school in Northern Nevada...(I guess we'll see what Jeremy decides). Then I lived in Los Angeles for four years and now I'm living in Budapest. Unfortunately for my mom's sake, I'm still that free bird. Nations, travel, the world is in my heart. I don't think that will ever change and honestly, I don't want it to. Neither will my mom's (and my family's) desire to have me home. Even if I were home though, I doubt it would look "normal." I'm sure I'd have to figure a way to get to the nations. And this is the struggle we face.

My mother is a bit more subtle now with her comments that are often intended to evoke some kind of response that she hopes will get me home.

She used to just say things like "Come home to your motha'. What the hell are you doing in Budapest?"

Not so subtle, right?

Once she said to me, in her Bostonian accent, "You know Jen. I know ya' teachin' kids English but ya' fatha' is always correctin' my English and he says my English isn't that good. Come home to ya' motha' and teach ya' motha' English."

By every creative tactic possible, not so subtle.

Her tactics have now changed. Her most recent way of phrasing things actually does tug on the one string that really does strike a chord with me. My parent's health. Just tonight she said again (and this is not the first time), "Well, you know, ya' fatha' and I aren't getting any younga'. We could die. If ya fatha and I die, we have it all taken care of. You just bring in this little slip of paper and it's all paid fo'. I guess I betta' set aside some money so they could fly ya' home in case of an emergency."

"Mom, you and Dad AREN'T going to die anytime soon." I reassure her.

"Well, one day we will Jen. So don't be mad at us when we do. We all gotta go." She says.

I say, "I know but you're not going to die now. You have too much living still to do. Are you taking care of yourself? What about those dance lessons? Are you walking? You have to stick around long enough to see my kids, mom. So you can't die yet!"

"I'm tryin," she says."I went walking the other day and I'm trying to convince ya' fatha' to start Waltz lessons. I think your fatha's trying to lose weight now." She says to reassure me.

I know they want me home. Every day is precious. I think about my family and especially my parents. Yet I'm always thinking about nations, students, people, and what God is doing around the world too. My heart has been formed this way and I don't think it's going to change anytime soon. I don't want to have regrets for not being around or missing out on their lives but I don't want to have regrets for not doing what's in my heart to do either. Can I have the best of both worlds? If so, sign me up.

Walking out the things that I know I'm supposed to do, atleast in this season of my life is going to require a new measure of wisdom and direction. And I know it's coming. In the meantime, it's an interesting and challenging balancing act and sometimes I feel caught in the middle. I guess that's my cross to bear.

I am a firm believer that as we dream, consider the future, and think about life, it is also important to take one step at a time. All you can do is what is placed before you for the day. All we have to live for is today. So I refuse to look too far ahead and lose sight of living today. Of course that doesn't mean I'm not making plans, asking people for their thoughts and their wisdom and trying to figure out the best option for me in the future. I absolutely believe that God will direct my steps, so I'm not worried about it, but I am interested and looking to see what the future holds and in my mind the best option would be the best of both worlds -- having my family and traveling to the nations too. We shall see! One thing I know is that whatever it looks like, it's going to be good for all of us!